Calm.....nowhere to be found

So this lil' blog I gots' going here is intended to capture my calm amidst chaos.  The chaos consists of the ups', downs', ins' outs', highs', lows' and everything in between of life.  I aim to purposefully record and document my "calm" (you know - "well thought out" insight) amongst it all.  Well.....as genuine as these intentions are, my calm is NOWHERE to be found lately.  The chaos is in full effect and dominating everything ......sucking the life out of any calm that I'm so desperately searching for.

It only now dawns on me as I'm planning to share my "sob story" here, that many of my amazing peeps that will even glance at this - will feel absolutely no pity for me. Yet they may, just maybe relate?  So just know that I am not looking for empathy, yet instead a good ol' venting session, so let's pretend there's a glass (or bottle) of wine between us to lighten the mood......

Chaos Contributors:

Temper tantrums, potty training and a big girl bed.  While God has blessed me with a beautiful, bright and loving lil' girl - I am also convinced she is the most trying toddler to date.....EVER. Is this true or am I a wimpy Mom needing to step up my game?  I've concluded it's a little of both (just to give us both credit where due). Tempter tantrums come at every turn, or more precisely anytime ANY thing is needing to be done, that she's not on board with (this is everything outside of sugar and cartoons).  I am doing my best to stay calm, focused and strategize like crazy......yet she still manages to stay one step ahead of me some days.  In addition to the strong independent (sure to translate into success someday) will (yet now translates to the incessant use of "no" and hitting when resistant), I've decided to get even crazier and bring on the potty training!  Fun. stuff. OR NOT.  Truthfully I now realize she was ready awhile back, yet I wasn't and was hoping to hold out until you know, I had nothing better to focus my extra time and energy on :-)  The good news is that the process is moving along quickly. The bad news is that the process involves regular daily laundry, clean up of both #1 & #2 on carpets, furniture and other places it should NOT be, and a constant vigilance of time and liquid consumption.  To top off the "raging party" we have going on here, she decided she was ready for her "big girl" bed (ok I did), after she met me in the kitchen one morning (post climbing out) as proud as can be of her big girl self.  This one I didn't mind......I knew I was living on borrowed time (she's a climber as it is) yet she loved her crib and you know what? So did I.  Now that it's done and we're moving forward the new discovery is - she's also a wanderer........why would you EVER stay in a boring ol' bed when there's a whole room, bathroom, shoot - floor to explore?????  Well I am currently working on reasons, and if you have any to contribute please do so as I am stating my case to her daily. 

Acquisition after acquisition ........ why not - another acquisition?!?!  So many know one or two already, yet few know of all four.  Few know what I even do to be honest (family that is) and in turn, I'm not an expert on what most of my family and friends actually do professionally day and day out either.  None the less, the fourth did me in.  The long story short:  I started as 1 of 20 back in 2007, we bought a company and grew to shy of 100 by 2011, a company them bought us and doubled our size in 2012.......as we just can't get enough, this past fall we decided to place ourselves under the Accenture "umbrella" and I am now simply 1 of 240,000+ globally. CULTURE SHOCK?!  Yes.
This is just working venting ....... constantly changing processes and procedures, 3 benefit enrollment periods in one year, ever changing and more confusing org charts and different expectations - dependent on whomever we're trying to make happy that day.  This is just work biz and MANY of us have it ....... what's yours?  Yes, I'm grateful I have a job. Trust me I AM.  That still doesn't mean I have to like it right?  Between the constant shifting and high demands - added on top of my ALWAYS moving daughter......these people (young and old) are driving me to drink!  (note:  2014 resolution = replace with prayer. Much cheaper and more productive).

Family fun and fevers.  Part of the fun of parenting toddlers and beyond is that you get to live joyfully through their eyes.....as well as through new eyes of your own.  The holidays bring a whole new world of possibilities in way of activities, crafts, seasonal décor and gifts.  While going into this season with high hopes and a solid plan (ok .... so I thought), I somehow only managed to go half of the places I intended, and completed half of the crafts I had in mind (ok ok I lied: NONE) wait - do cookies count?  To be honest I just could NOT keep up.......yes - Cora and I getting the 2 week flu mid month didn't help matters, yet I don't think it would have mattered and perhaps that was an indicator that my "over achieving" fixation was a little ridiculous and needed to be put in check.  Besides - as you are already thinking I'm sure ..... that is NOT what the seasons' about.  So screw you Pinterest.

As we head towards a new year I am still very much on the hunt for my "calm".  Perhaps I will learn/am learning, to seek and savor it differently so that it doesn't seem so distant.  And please don't misunderstand that while chaotic, I'm very much thankful for all the chaos that 2013 has brought.  After all - my trying two year old is the love and light of my life (yes she's that cute it makes up for it all), my job is a means to support a life of abundance,  and all the holiday stuff??? Well that's just silly. Besides, the reason for the season.....family family family. Were it is at.  And yes, I had that the whole season long.....fevers and all.

Be Grateful........

grate·ful

ˈgrātfəl/

adjective

adjective: grateful

1. 1.

   feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful.

 

It's that's season...the season of giving thanks.  This Thanksgiving holiday means a ton to me as when I think of being thankful - I interchangeably think of being grateful.  And I am.  Grateful. Thankful.

 

This past year I did a bible study with my Mother titled - Reclaiming Your Joy.  After 10 weeks and much study and thought time, one lesson stuck with me. Being grateful.  Always.  This alone will change your perspective ..... and in turn - change your life.

 

When life turned "chaotic" in the Spring, this stuck with me......and honestly it IS what gets me through (well paired with Family, Friends & wine :-)  It is as simple as this: someone - MANY - have it harder out there than you...than I.  I have no better choice than to be grateful.  This realization on a daily on an hourly changes my perspective. Changes my life.

 

 

THANKFUL.

 

.

 

 

A Happy Harvest

Fall has fallen and this year I'm so in love with the COLORS!!! This is nothing new to any of us in the Northwest - yet I think the combo of kids meets thirties is encouraging a new "harvest" in me......and along with this comes new eyes.  A new refreshed, and more beautiful view.....of EVERYTHING.

While the holidays have always brought a crazy kid like joy to my heart (seriously I'm nerdy about it), experiencing the holidays with kids makes it that MUCH brighter.  It brings an enjoyment that hasn't been felt for years as you submit to all the expensive hype, cold outings, and "must have" décor.

It kicks off annually for me now in October as the fall fun, pumpkin carving, costume hunting begins!  I then begin to devote more than the intended amount of time on Amazon, Pinterest and other random websites built for, and by, the obsessed like myself.  Not too much time though to soak up the fun playful moments with my reason behind it all ~ Miss Cora Marie.

Happy Halloween All!!!

So Long Summer........**SIGH**

While I'm sad to say so long to Summer, I cannot complain .......the warm days we had were in every sense and way, wonderful!  It came ~ it stayed & we PLAYED!!!  Working from home truly allowed me to soak up the summer sun and fun this year.  I realized that as the beautiful days came about and it gave me a new appreciation for my "cooped up in the corner bedroom upstairs" day job :-)  Not only did I greet the days nice & relaxed (no stuck in rush hour here!) yet I also wrapped them early when able so that C and I could soak up as much sun and fun as we could before bedtime.  This included BBQ's, splash pads, sprinkler days with popsicles in hand and walks by the water.  A plus to this is that I've been on a 2 month travel break for work which is overdue and I in no way am yet missing layovers, salted peanuts and nights alone in various beds.

As fun as it was, it seems to be coming to an end and I'm bracing myself for the withdrawals and gloom glum I know is coming. Getting through it so .... bring on the next season.

 

The Trying ~ Terrific ~ & Tiring TWO's!!!

Today marks 2 years in the life of Cora Marie.........this morning she awoke early and boasted skills that include removing her diaper and wetting down her entire crib. This was followed by a fabulous birthday tantrum at breakfast portraying her ability to throw food across the room (obviously needing to make a point) before heading off to school, only to return with her own thoughts on napping (...not napping that is) and we wrapped up the day with a perfect family celebration ....... in which the time up until desert was served - she pleaded desperately for "cupcake Mama cupcake"? Way to bring 2 in with style Miss Cora - get it my sweet girl Being her Mother for the past two years has transformed my heart, mind, soul and entire world in the most fulfilling way imaginable. This beautiful child brings so much joy, laughter, challenge, strength and FUN to our lives on a daily .......we should only be so lucky that God chose us. And I am SO thankful he did!

Luggage and Layovers

Now coming up on month 4 of constant travel, late night and weekend work, wacky "office" dreams (you show up naked, etc.) and too many layovers amongst it all.  While I do enjoy what I do on a daily, I still do it to make a living cause yes - I can think of a MILLION better things to do :-)  That being said - it's wearing on me, yet trying to hang on and get through the craziness that I'm told will pass.  That better pass - lol. 

On the positive side, it keeps me fresh - learning - growing and thankful, as every minute between this biz, I that much more appreciate special moments with my daughter and don't take any of the "trying two" days for granted.  As I pack for the next .... here we go again - I think Ms. C's decided that if she can't stop me - she's joining me!

It's Official!!!

A great start to a New Year....... 
It's official, as of January 27th 2013 ~  I am deemed officially cancer free!  WONDERFUL words to say, type and think on :-)  Of course we never know what's coming at us tomorrow yet living in this moment is good.  10 years back when I first started praying for this day, I wanted to do something "big".  That meant some sort of fabulous expensive vaca to somewhere exclusive, as a way to celebrate the victory.  Now that the day is actually here (while that still sounds ideal :-) I've had a change of heart. Yes vaca's are still wanted, yet a lil' trickier these days with planning around a toddler.  So as I thought on it, I went from "hosting a benefit" (which would have been very cool ) yet became a no go with my crazy work/travel schedule - to instead - feeling called to donate that money and time to a cause that touches my family and heart.  A "pay it forward" celebration!  My saved "cancer free" funds therefore went to the ALS Association in honor of my grandmother, Florence Arms, and I hope it can extend to other families in need.  PLEASE take time to read up and on the cause/need/disease - the help....that you could give also.  Or instead, ask yourself who/what you're being called to give to? 

I'll leave it a.....THANK YOU GOD FOR YOUR GOODNESS, MY LIFE, AND ALL TRIALS AND TRIUMPHS THAT HAVE BEEN INCLUDED!!!!

AMEN :-)

HOLIDAYS. Come .....and gone! What the???

Honestly it just seems like a blur.....we start getting excited 'round this house about the holiday's the second we won't seem too obsessive or geeky (in a syfy/comicon way). So this usually puts me getting antsy right around Thanksgiving. Yup turkey then tree :-)

While it went by fast, we enjoyed every. moment. With a lil' one at home you can't help but get giddy along side them (so yes - she's another scapegoat). Seriously, the joy they bring to the season is indescribable and it warms you from the inside out.....along with hot toddys :-)

This season we gots into all sorts of fun..... Zoolights, a Santa visit, Winterfest, shop shop shopping ....& more! Family is what it's always about and we stayed true to that. We came - we celebrated the reason for the season - and loved on one another throughout it all!